The Virginia Legislature recently passed a bill which requires women to have an ultrasound exam and look upon the 'person' inside them before they are permitted to terminate their pregnancy. This exam is done by penetrating the woman vaginally with an ultrasound probe. While there is no conceivable medical reason why the patient would need an object inserted into her vagina, Governor Bob McDonnell is expected to sign the bill so that a woman can have “more information” before making what is a very important decision.
I applaud the Commonwealth's efforts to stem the murder of these 'persons' using means which can arguably be termed 'rape.' Indeed, I call upon the Commonwealth and the Federal Government to take action against the legislation which enables the slaughter which takes place all to commonly in this country.
The legislation I speak of, of course, is Chapter 7 of Title 11 of the US Code, which codifies the abominable practise of Chapter 7 bankruptcy; the 'liquidation' of a corporate person.
Year after year, Congress and the Supreme Court fail to find the moral courage to take on this silent campaign of murder. But there is nothing we can do about that. We can, however, follow the lead of brave Virginia by placing arbitrary, useless, and invasive medical procedures in front of those who would seek to end a corporate life.
I call upon the Commonwealth of Virginia, along with the Federal and all state governments to adopt the following set of rules;
Corporate officials who seek to initiate Chapter 7 bankruptcy procedures must submit to a rectal exam by a doctor
The exam must be performed as said corporate officials are looking into the eyes of the shareholders and employees of said corporation so they may have all the information they need to make their decision
If it is found that the bankruptcy substantially resulted from the management choices of a venture capital firm, the executives of said firm must undergo a rectal examination in the same manner
I'm sure you have grown tired of women getting abortion after abortion as a matter of convenience, so they can continue their promiscuous and stretchmark-free lifestyles. Similarly, I have had enough of corporate executives coasting away on their golden parachutes as they leave their charges behind to be torn apart by the bloodthirsty wolves of the Securities and Exchange Commission, the Commodity Futures Trading Commission, the United States Treasury, Federal Bankruptcy courts, and other such fiends. I can stand the slaughter no more!
Some corporation-butcher apologists might plead, “But what if the bankruptcy was the result of a criminal act, such as fraud or theft?” To these people, I say that for every hapless CEO who has a criminal like Bernie Maddoff savage his company's finances, there are at least 5 others whose financial security infrastructures and accounting were so loose and skimpy, they were basically asking for it.
Because of the constitutional prohibition on the retroactive application of law, we will not be able to force those who have facilitated Chapter 7 bankruptcy to face justice for their crimes against the Almighty Dollar. If we could, though, I would call upon the Surgeon General to administer an anal probe to Mitt Romney for every corporation which Bain Capital drove into the ground on his watch.
Ladies and gentlemen, I dream of an America with corporate boardrooms full of tightened sphincters and where they make their decisions carefully. I dream of an America where those companies who will invest their assets with any sharp-looking start-up owner or innovator, who lack proper financial protection, and who say 'it was just a one-quarter-stand,' are made to face the consequences of their decision by feeling the icy-cold touch of a lubricated probe between their legs.
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